Ahh, 2016, the wonderful promise of “new” in the starting of another year.
I’ve toyed with resolutions in the past. But I kind of resented the manufactured feel of making New Year’s resolutions. It just felt so forced. You know, the idea that you have to come up with this beast that will then dictate your actions? And the inevitable weird guilt feelings if you don’t follow through. Why do I want to do that to myself?
What I have done in the past is make up a list of things I thought I might like to do or try, and I’d add to it or revise it along the way. I started this when I was in my late teens and kept it going pretty strong, right up until my late twenties. It was made up of things like traveling (Europe was calling), learning new things (Guitar) and first, going to University, and then later, completing my degree. It included specific books to read (Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance) and some activity goals to improve my physical health (play a new sport) and career goals (okay, really just to get a job other than waitressing. Hey, I was 20!).
I found this list when I was in my mid-forties and marvelled at how it reflected a lot of what I did with my life through my twenties. I had done pretty much everything on the list. Well, except one thing.
All in all, it made me feel pretty great about what I had accomplished.
It also made me realize that somewhere along the way, I had stopped making the list. And at first, that didn’t make me feel so great. I had stopped adding to it. Why?
Well, life got very busy. I got married to Jim and while having children, Jim also returned to school. With four young kids along for the ride, life became focused on dealing with the everyday twists and turns. I completely forgot about things like “the list” until I found it again. I realized that I had been focussed more on other peoples’ goals and had kind of stopped making them for myself. And some of that was really okay.
But finding that list made me realize that it is important to make those resolutions. Life is always busy. Even with the kids older now, ranging in age from 12 to 19, Jim and I continue to be just as busy. As it turns out, having clear goals becomes even more essential. So although it may seem “manufactured”, having a reminder or a little motivator, like the start of the New Year, isn’t such a bad thing.
Here’s some things I keep in mind though when making up my list;
- First of all, it does need to be written down. Part of this is to make it real, and provides the opportunity to reflect on it, either along the way, or at least from year to year.People who write down their personal goals are many times more likely to achieve them than people who say, “I have my goals in my head.”
- Second, when writing out the goal, I like to think about what strategies I can use, and breaking it down into steps gives me a better sense of what I need to do and within what kind of timeline. This also helps me review whether this is going to be a good idea or not doable at this time. It may need to be put on a list for the future. If I don’t write it down then the strategy is unlikely to be well-enough conceived to actually work.
- Third, I reserve all rights to revise my list along the way. And I do that with intention. I have no time for feeling guilt about unaccomplished things if I have honestly (and that is the key here) reassessed and come to good reasons for shelving the idea. But if I am not accomplishing it because of a lack of discipline, I may need help with keeping myself accountable. So this leads to the next point.
- Fourth: For some goals, I need a coach or mentor. Someone I can trust who can help keep me honest and on track. For different goals, I need different mentors. It’s good to change it up if possible, and getting diversity through the experience of others has given me some ideas I would just never have thought of on my own. I’ve been pretty lucky with some excellent support though formal institutions, friends, colleagues and of course Jim gets lots of credit here.
These are just a few things that seem to have helped me along the way. I’d sure be interested in learning about what works for you in making (and achieving!) your resolutions or goal list, so drop me a line if you can.
Okay so about that one thing that I didn’t do on list 1.0.
I never learned to play guitar. I actually do own a guitar. Jim gave it to me on our first Christmas as newlyweds, 27 years ago. And I still haven’t learned how to play it. Time to get it back on the list…