In the first chapter of Pema Chӧdrӧn’s” Taking the Leap” she describes a story that was widely distributed after 911. “A Native American grandfather was speaking to his grandson about violence and cruelty in the world and how it comes about. He said it was as if two wolves were fighting in his heart. One wolf was vengeful and angry, the other wolf was understanding and kind. The young man asked his grandfather which wolf would win the fight in his heart. And the grandfather answered, “The one that wins will be the one I choose to feed.””
I found this story so helpful in reflecting on the element of choice and how each of our choices in responses to conflict not only impact others, it impacts our own selves.
This led me to reflect on something I learned early on in my mediation work, the idea of “shifting from judgement to curiosity”. When someone else says or does something that doesn’t feel very good, it’s quite easy to assume the other individual indented to make us feel that way. With that assumption it can be easy to become frustrated and unconsciously judge or “feed the angry wolf.” The jump to understanding kindness at this point might feel like a pretty big leap.
If we make a conscious effort to be curious about situations when someone says or does something we don’t like, it seems to me to be the first step towards feeding the understanding and kind wolf in our own hearts. It is helpful for me to think of this action as not simply giving someone else an opportunity but also giving ourselves an opportunity.
Chӧdrӧn suggests that even the slightest gesture to feeding the right wolf is helpful.