Facilitated Solutions

Mediators & Conflict Management Specialists

Resolving a disagreement

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Understanding your disagreement, i.e. what the disagreement is really about, is just the first step to resolution. Diagnosing your disagreement is about uncovering what is really important to you regarding the issue in contention.  Once you can articulate your underlying needs, fears, wants, concerns, hopes, etc. you will likely be much more successful in coming to a mutually satisfactory outcome.

When people experience disagreement, a basic problem solving conversation may be helpful to resolve the issue and allow people to recover.  When executed well, a problem solving conversation creates clear and shared expectations for both parties moving forward.

While appearing simple at the surface, it is important not to underestimate the difficulty of effectively managing a problem solving conversation when there has been an accumulation of negative history between the parties.

 

A Basic Problem Solving Model:

 

STEP 1.  REFLECTION AND CENTRING

  • Step back and reflect on the situation.
  • Consider your own intention, interests and hopes for the conversation.

 

STEP 2. SETTING THE TONE

  • Invite the other person to a conversation.
  • Be clear what it is that you want to talk about.
  • State your intention for a positive resolution.

 

STEP 3.  SHARING PERSPECTIVES

  • Ask the other person to describe the situation or disagreement from her/his perspective.
  • Briefly paraphrase what you have heard, the facts and the feelings.  Ask for clarification if necessary.  Continue to ask and summarize until there is nothing else.
  • Acknowledge your responsibility.
  • Describe your perspective of the situation, including both what your concerns are and, if appropriate, how you feel about the disagreement.  Be specific.

 

STEP 4.  BUILDING UNDERSTANDING (Addressing Issues)

  • List the issues that have to be addressed.
  • Discuss one issue at a time.

For each issue:

  • Check out assumptions.
  • Explore interests.

 

STEP 5.  CLOSURE AND AGREEMENTS

  • Generate options for each issue.
  • Work out solutions that both of you can agree to.
  • Summarize and clarify agreement.
  • Determine the specifics.